[Brexyt is icumen in song]

Narrator: To begin at the Brexiting. It is Spring, sunless dawn in the small village of Oughtiton [OUTITON!], soullessly red, white and blue, as bunting and flags flutter in the May morning breeze.

[Church bell] Vicar: Let us pray for Our Lady of the Brexyt, the May Queen, fought so long and so hard for, refusing to countenance even one of the manifold petitions to define it, and verily, without whom this blessed day… [Fades out]

Narrator: The last of the Brexyt saboteurs are being hunted down…

[Rope creaking]

Narrator: Two stout and loyal Brexyt-mongers survey the creaking carcass of one such saboteur, which hangs from a gibbet on the village green..

[Old English type grunts – “Remoaner scum” – grunts]

Narrator: The village warden starches and presses his motley. [Jingling bells] And in No. 27, a woman is telling me all about the suspicious man at No. 29, wun uv them multicultural wotsits.

So tell me Mrs Spittlehouse, what aroused your suspicions?

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Cornelius Fitz is an an English teacher and long-time contributor to the Times Literary Supplement. His fiction, creative nonfiction, and reviews have appeared in 3:AM magazine, STORGY, Minor Literature(s), and Berfrois. He recently completed a Masters in Cultural & Critical Studies at Birkbeck, University of London. He was awarded the inaugural Verso Prize for his degree and writing submitted on Speculative Aesthetics, an extract of which has been published on the Verso blog here. He can be found on Twitter as @lapsedhermit.