BAD KID

Carol, all warm and giddy in her chest, dipped her big toe into the little pond and exclaimed to the kids, ‘The water is so tepid! The water is so tepid!’ Wanted them to do the same, take their tiny sneakers off, the ones the big brands made so cute with their miniature logos, and dip in their pigletty toes. Hoped it would bring about some magic in their lives. Imagined them as parents themselves, telling their own children about days spent in the garden with their Ma, doing silly little things like toe dipping or having sleepovers in the treehouse, or even that time they played Survivor when it rained. Carol swirled her big toe through the water some more. Heard deeper versions of their voices saying, ‘O, and how it rained! But we wouldn’t eat, refused to! So Ma, well she boiled up eggs and hid them around the rose bushes so that we could pretend we were living off the land.’ HA. What a joy their family was and always would be!

But the children did not seem to get it. Ruby just said, ‘Ma, what is teh-pud?’ and Finn shoved her and replied, ‘Not teh-pud, teh-pid.’

They really did not know when to pick up a good time that was coming for them. But this was how children learned, Carol reasoned, lifting her foot out of the pond and gesturing for them to come closer.

If Steve was here, he would think, Wow, what a spontaneous and loving mother. Look at my family, outside, kids breathing in fresh air, no TV, learning how to have a good time with one’s imagination. That was something Carol’s mother never did for her… no. It was all clean that and clean this and no elbows on the table and listen to your father or you’re disrespectful, my God you’re so disrespectful!!!

‘Yellow car!’ Finn yelled, and punched Ruby hard in the arm.

‘Owwww, there’s no yellow car,’ she moaned.

Carol could not help thinking, Wow, that moan is annoying; hope she grows out of that. Then she turned to Finn, shook her head, and said, ‘That is no way to treat your sister, apologise,’ which he did.

Did kids not know how to untie one’s shoes? Sheesh. They were still just standing there, Ruby rubbing her arm, tears not quite breaking free from the lid, and Finn looking up at the sky as an aeroplane passed over. Had always been obsessed with planes, ever since he was a wee thing. Carol thought, as she often did, I wonder if he’ll become a pilot? Or will his passion for cutting up food and plants overtake? And become a surgeon, or a biologist? Ruby, Carol wasn’t so sure yet. A teacher, perhaps. Good thing was, they could make up their own minds when the time came. For now, their minds just needed to bloom. Carol bent down and began untying their laces.

Now that their little toes were out, the three of them stood on the smooth stones at the edge of the pond while Carol showed them how to toe-dip. No full footing because of the goldfish, Lollipop and Band-Aid. Kid’s ideas, and you bet, Ruby wanted a lollipop at the time and Finn had scraped his knee. Still, Carol loved to tell people her kids had come up with the names. How silly they were! Such silly, free-spirited, children!

And what a silly, free-spirited family! Steve, bless him, had spent the night before all sore from playing hide and seek with the kids after work. Then when she, Carol, was giving him a foot rub while they watched their TV show, the kids had burst back into the living room, even though it was well past their bedtime, squealing, ‘We found you! We found you!’ and instead of going all, ‘You should be in bed, grrrr,’ Steve grinned and said, ‘You found me, you found me. How’d you do it?’ and they’d all laughed, big roaring laughs, and the kids had come over for one last cuddle, and she, Carol, had given Steve’s sore feet a squeeze and a smile that said, I’ll handle them, you rest, and he’d smiled back a smile that said, God, I love you and I am oh-so grateful for you.

So, she’d woken up that morning, all loved up on her family and thought, to heck, why don’t me and Steve go on a date? When was the last time we went on one of those? Sure, they weren’t always great. There was always something, but they always worked it out. Not to mention his face, when she’d said it, had positively lit up. Hence quality time with children before the babysitter arrived. New babysitter approximately twenty minutes away, old one doesn’t work so well for last-minute romantic dates of people who have been together fifteen-plus years and still love one another. Not to worry, Carol is organised – always ripping those tags off the babysitting posters at the school!

***

Maia, sitting on the edge of her bed, checked her phone one more time before leaving. Yep, definitely expected at 6:00pm. And yep, address definitely only a fifteen-minute walk away. Stood to look in the mirror one more time. Had recently discovered that body equals appearance – had not always thought that way. Was only twelve after all. Before this revelation, body equals for running, playing, jumping. Now Maia had those things called boobs, but more like pre-boobs, not like other people’s real-ass-chunky-boobs. Chunky? Not quite right. Round, shapely, full. Nice to look at. Had recently also discovered magazines, and flicked through them whenever she did the supermarket shop. Maia was convinced that one day, soon, she would wake up and see that her celebrity body had taken over. Not today, though. Maia ran a hand down the curve of her belly, picked her backpack up off the floor, and walked outside.

Front door slammed shut behind her.

‘Honey,’ her dad said.

They were both on the porch, him and Nanna, all sombre like. Not that what they were doing – sitting in their armchairs, looking out at the street, waving as people passed by – was sombre, just that when Maia stood near them, she smelt it felt it. Bad vibes. Cigarette smoke and half asleep.

Maia knew people thought their family was strange. Sometimes, kids and mothers stopped to point at the windows of the house, where they could see items piling up inside. If they stopped, Nanna would start telling them stories and they’d pull happily on excuses of needing to get somewhere or check on something. On Halloween, children with mothers hurried past while unsupervised kids could be heard running into the property, yelping, ‘I’m in the haunted house! I’m in the haunted house!’ while others shot back, ‘You’re only in the front yard!’ followed by squeals as one of them would run closer, then pull back and return to the safety of the road.

Maia loved her dad and Nanna, though. Really loved them. Reckoned she would love them even more if she had her celebrity body and they spent their time cleaning instead of on the porch. But no, loved them anyway. Loved them extra. That was how love worked. Would always love them, would always care. Hence babysitting. Little extra cash for a little extra nice times together.

Waved hello and goodbye to them. On her way she went, along the street, keeping to herself. Could hear her thighs touch themselves, swish swish. Thigh gap. Maia learned about this one not in magazines, but on the internet. The internet is still pretty new, not that new, but new enough that it’s very slow and their computer is very large. A little like her bottom. Just last week, when they were eating sausages and bread for dinner, Dad said, ‘Maia, careful, too much white bread will make your bum too big!’

Maia figured her butt and thighs were to blame for lack of thigh gap. She felt her face getting warm as she focussed on the way each thigh squished against the other with every step. Decided to move thoughts elsewhere. Cool how she could do that, Maia and her brain. Like, wonder what this woman’s house is gonna be like, being all on the nice side of the suburb, the side that neighbours a rich suburb not a poor one.

Thoughts moved back – not so cool how the brain did that. Began to think about Lily, Lily being Maia’s best friend, and how she still had a body like Maia’s. Lily’s family a bit odd too, Maia thinks. Too many kids for two parents to have (nine!). Maia didn’t tell Lily about magazines or internet discoveries, though. No, something told Maia this stuff was private – there being a reason why computers and magazines were for one person to use at a time.

Behind the front door was the sound of a yapping pup.

Carol opened the door. The hallway rug lifted slightly with it. ‘Welcome! Come on in!’ she said with a cheery voice. Always felt a sense of pride bringing people into her home, all clean and lovely, but not sterile. A family home. Patted the rug down with her foot.

Nice feet, Maia thought (little white fluffy thing still yapping). Seriously, how did her feet look so soft? So pale and smooth? With the hard skin all rubbed off? And polish without chips? None of those red lines made from tearing at the skin? Wow!

‘I’ll show you around,’ Carol beamed.

Kitchen first. All shiny and no food in sight, Maia was like Wow! – again. Even the bread bin matched the appliances. Nothing like their kitchen at home, which felt grimy, even when they had done the dishes.

Carol bent over the dishwasher, hair falling all silky over her shoulders. ‘We normally run it once during the day and once at night, but I forgot.’ Then she bent back up again. ‘You look familiar,’ she said slowly, then paused. ‘Who’re your parents?’

‘It’s all good,’ Maia gulped. ‘Deb,’ she said. ‘My Mum’s Deb, we live a few suburbs over.’

‘Oh, I thought you—’ Carol began. ‘Never mind.’ She turned to the fridge and pulled out a packaged dinner. ‘The kids love this one, so you shouldn’t have too hard a time getting them to eat.’

***

Nothing like this in the world, Maia thought, sitting down after the kids had gone to bed. What. A. Couch. So damn comfy, soooooo soft. And who’d have thought packet chicken pie could be so fancy? Organic seemed the word. O-r-g-a-n-i-c.

Mmm-mmm, maybe the house was organic too? The wood and the couch and the vases and Carol’s hair and Carol’s toes. Well, Wow! Better soak up more of the house, Maia thought, and stood up. Wandered into Carol’s bedroom and the guest room. Found mirrors in both, and lifted her top to inspect what was beneath, in case any changes had happened, which they hadn’t. Opened the drawers of each bedside table. Watches, sleeping masks, vitamins, ear plugs. Ran her bare foot along each rug. Found secret heaters, camouflaged. Every pillow had a pillow. So! Much! Stuff! But organised in that way where you don’t even see it? Hidden closets, hidden cabinets. Compared to Maia’s… sheesh. Back to the kitchen. Maia opened up the pantry, stepped inside. Face to face with cereal, nuts, muesli bars. Chocolate flavoured with things like plum and pear. Nuts and cereal all got a green o-r-g-a-n-i-c flag. Ate a lil of most things, just a lil. On the top shelf were supplies for baking. Baking anything. Birthday candles for every kind of birthday, cupcake cups with ribbons, toy trains, Christmas trees, stars, ghosts, and most shades of the rainbow. Maia walked to the living room, sucking on a square of chocolate. What the hell kind of computer is THAT! Tapped its spacebar until the screen flickered to life. It didn’t look anything like the computers at school. Clean and white with an apple printed on its front. Maia guided the mouse to a button with a rocket, and a game popped up. Eh, Maia thought, and closed the window. Clicked another, with red curtains? Then, Maia’s face appeared in front of Maia’s face, all spooked looking. She leaned in closer, still spooked looking. Willed Carol’s face to appear instead of her own. Or at least her celebrity face. How come her hair doesn’t do the silky thing? Or the blonde thing? Why did her eyebrows look like little rabbits, about to scurry off her face? Maia leaned back, body looking like the top of an ice cream cone, or a cupcake, sheesh. Leaned back in, clicked the button.

3-2-1. Boop. Blur of mush.

Maia clicked the button again.

3-2-1. Boop. Shiet! So mush.

Well, research, Maia thought.

Got to know what one looks like to know where one’s going.

Maia took her top off.

3-2-1. Boop. Bra just looking like a bra on an ice cream cone!

3-2-1. Boop. What the heckers. No better.

Took many more research 3-2-1 Boops of all angles – front, back, left, right. Even took her bra off and retook all angles, realising her boobs would likely be a key part of upcoming bodily transformation.

Sat back down and sighed her way through the photos. Where was her bikini body? Maia dragged them into the trash bin. She knew enough about computers to know one must always dispose of questionable items. Walked back over to the kitchen counter, where the leftover chicken pie sat. Cut another slice and ate it standing up. Cut one more, then settled back into the couch, saddened. At least, Maia reasoned, she was a good daughter. She’d buy one of those chicken pies next time she did the shop. Never had seen them at their store though, and had bought many frozen pies during her lifetime?

***

God, kids are running Carol up the wall today. Life is running Carol up the wall, if she is being honest. Why could life not just stay in one place? One happy lovely place? Finn refusing to wear sneakers to school, not cool enough. Ruby, refusing to eat oatmeal. Wants Cocoa Pops. All sugar!

Steve out of the house before the kids even got up. Stressed with work. Poor Steve.

What would fix this? What would her mother do and how would she, Carol, not do that? Mother would yell – Carol is going to stay calm. Put a little sugar on Ruby’s oatmeal, tell her it tastes better than Cocoa Pops. Get Finn to play his game he loves and put shoes on him while he’s distracted.

Ah, coffee. Everything going to plan.

‘Mum, what’s this?’ Finn goes, sounding all grown up. So proud of him, sounding so adult for his age, Carol thinks.

Please, oh God, no, God. No, no need to swear in her head. Just remain calm, in… out, in… out.

‘Finn, that’s enough screen time for now,’ she says, and shoos him off the chair. ‘Go and brush your teeth, you too, Ruby.’

And they do, God Bless them. They know when to leave Mummy alone.

Carol clicks through the images. At first quickly, then very slowly.

Remembers discovering filthy magazines under Steve’s side of the bed when they first got together. Felt so sick, so sick. Forgave him, eventually, without ever speaking to him. Took great courage to do such a thing, to allow one’s partner to have urges not involving she, Carol, and let it go. Continue building their family, their home.

A sexual little girl in their home!

Spends the whole morning deliberating, fretting. Considers calling the police, but no, that’s what her mother would have done. Carol would do the sensible thing. She would send the girl a message:

Hi. Saw those pictures you left in the trash bin. I hope you didn’t send them to anyone, because those are not the types of pictures one should be sending. We won’t need you to babysit again, and please stay away from my children.

Stern, but not harsh, Carol thinks, and clicks send.

***

Mrs. Adaway is saying something about assembly being cancelled when Maia’s phone buzzes. Can’t check it just yet. Is too busy listening to what Jessie from the second row is saying about the school dance. ‘You can’t wear long skirts,’ is what Jessie’s whispering. ‘And mullet skirts are even more out. Mini-mini’s are in.’

Maia gulps. Thighs still only getting wider. Just that morning, Lily said she was going on a diet. ‘Diet?’ Maia asked. ‘Thought those were for old people!’

‘For us now, too,’ Lily replied.

Gawd, Maia thought. One good thing about life was food. Not to mention the school dance only a week away. Maia checks her phone. A message from Carol!

Sick, oh god so sick. Sick in the stomach, sick in the heart, sick in the toes.

Whole body light then whole body heavy. Something in her throat. So sick that Maia can’t cry.

So sick that Maia can’t think to go bathroom, just sits there, in her seat, not looking at anyone.

‘Oi, you okay?’ Lily says at lunchtime. ‘You look sick.’

Maia can’t do anything but nod. Spends the rest of the school day with her heart in her throat and cheeks.

On her walk home, Maia finally cries. Feels like a creep, like a danger to children. Walks the long way home so as not to pass by the primary school.

Remembers when she was a child, running around the playground, with no idea about anything.

Wonders whether Carol has told anyone, like Dad.

Sick, oh God, so sick again.

What if Dad’s told Nanna?

What if granddaughter being a creep tips Nanna over edge into death? Move thoughts elsewhere, move thoughts elsewhere, move thoughts elsewhere!!!

Begins to cry, panic cry.

Through the gate, at the front door.

***

Carol goes outside. Dips her toes into the pond – alone this time.

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Deliverywoman is now available from Influx Press. You can order a copy here.

Eva Wyles is a graduate of Te Herenga Waka and the MA programme in fiction at the International Institute of Modern Letters, where she worked on a short-story collection that received the Jean Squire Project Scholarship. She was also taught by Fariha Róisín in a Catapult writing programme in New York. Her writing has been featured in The Dominion Post, Food Court Books, Mayhem Literary Journal, Turbine | Kapohau,The National Library of New Zealand, Journal of Dreams, Silo Theatre, and more. She is originally from Aotearoa New Zealand and is currently based in London.